As many of you know, I have been in the building supply industry for some time. The past several years primarily dealing with exotic hardwoods such as mahogany and teak. This wood would ( ha -wood would ) be used for doors, windows, libraries and patios for some of the most expensive homes in Connecticut.
After watching the 1992 animated cartoon ” Ferngully- The Last Rainforest” with my children, they turned to look at me, and with tearful eyes said, ” Father, do you cut down trees in the rainforest?”
I had to lie, and say no. But they know, children always do.
It was then I had an epiphany. My life would mean nothing if I kept on going on like this. After careful mathematical calculations, I personally am responsible for 11.65 acres of devastated forest. This must come to an end.
After months of planning, I have arranged to travel to Brazil, Peru, and Ecuador to replant small mahogany tree saplings. It will be dangerous and demanding work, with death always just one step away.
I tried to convince my wife* to stay here, back in the States, but she insisted on traveling with me. Plus, with the Mexican border war going on, she really does not feel safe here alone.
She has turned into the brains of the operation. Not only has she found government grant money to fund my trip, she has also been granted funding for her own personal research. She has been on a quest for the ‘Green Butt’ monkey. For years she has researched the possible ways of obtaining these animals for her collection. She convinced the government that mating habits of these animals must be observed and recorded in the event the species is in danger of becoming extinct. All she has to provide is video footage of their habitat, and several ***** samples from the animals to check the DNA patterns. How she plans to do that is up to her. She is the ” Scientist ”
Her ability to retain funding is second to none. Even with this economic crisis, she managed to secure thousands of dollars for supplies, a Range Rover ( test drives!!!), small automatic weapons, unlimited credit at Cabela’s, Bass Pro Shops, and Frederick’s of Hollywood. (You should really look your best when you travel. Plus the camo thongs!! Awesome.)
But it does not stop there. To avoid commercial airports and customs, she has arranged for a naval insertion. The giggles when she told me that we would be on a boat with close to 300 seamen, and a naval insertion, still gives me goosebumps.
We will also search out a childhood dream of mine. I read about an Amazon woman warrior tribe called ” Do uwuana eetmie ” . These warriors are mythical and legendary. Only 2 known explorers have seen these woman. One in the 70’s who wrote a story for ‘National Geographic’ and one other , who told his story in ‘Penthouse Forum’ in the mid 90’s. I feel with Courtney by my side, we will gain the trust of these woman, and for once be able to tell their story. These woman only use men for manual labor and breeding. I believe the custom is for the tribe leaders to “trade” men at first meeting. Thus CMP, as our tribe leader, would be able to insert herself into the tribal customs.
That should be exciting. I’m assuming CMP will be able to teach them the joys of artificial stimulation, condoms, and other sensual woman secrets. They may never let her leave.
Good news is that we will have laptops and access to government satellite feeds. We will check in as often as possible. Hopefully, we will succeed with every part of the journey. I guess an added bonus would be finding some turquoise shelled turtle that she would like to make jewerly from, and I guess the meat is some sexual stimulant. Maybe we will come across those as well.
Well my friends, sorry to carry on so long. I know I will miss all of you a great deal.
Oh yeah, the sunscreen. 30-45- or 50 ? And do you think we will need some OFF bug repellant?
Thanks
Stripped & Striped– I have told you many times, I cannot even be within 100 yards of Wal-Mart. It all stems back to that incident when I found the blue employee vest, and then proceeded to place those little yellow smiley faces on woman like they were pasties. I was escorted off the premises.. It was all over CNN.









